Confessions of My Inner Dialogue


Social Media and blogs are sure-fire ways to accomplish a number of things, yes? We get ideas, we get recipes, we get down on ourselves. We get a decent chuckle out of a Biden meme, a “like” on an old picture from our ex-roommate’s sister’s co-worker whose late-night stalking of our decade old photos has been made evident. We get to toot the the horns of our thoughtful friends. We get all the way worked up regarding poli*cough*tics, we get sucked in, we get jealous of lives and opportunities that seem so much more than ours.

It’s a mixed bag, really.

But today, what do ya say we practice a little resistance against that last one. Nothing like some good ole cathartic confession to stir the “we’re all doing alright” pot every now and then, eh?

I took inventory the last two weeks of some thoughts that have floated in and around my head. I’m not necessarily sharing them from a place of shame, so feel no need to waste energy consoling. I think I’m arriving somewhere that that I less pressure to both conceal and apologize for the slightly messy life that I’m living (is this what 30 feels like??). I mean, I always want to get better as a human, but maybe the years of compulsively masking whatever place I’m in are more behind me than not.  My hope is that we’ll always connect more over the less curated stuff than the curated stuff.

Let’s give it a try. Welcome to some parts of my brain:

“This kitchen smells like ketchup…in an old way.”

“I bet I’m stressing my family TH out with all my new ideas, buttttt I’m still somewhere in the middle of an identity crisis, so…”

“I can’t believe I used to mop these floors once a week instead of once every two months. If I still did it more often maybe I’d have to wash my feet off in the sink less. Also, I would do that less if I would stop wearing these forsaken Toms.”

“I am so tired of crying over Facebook. Thank God for Pinterest.”

“Will I ever stop crowding my memory space with screenshots of Pinterest photos? It’s literally designed for me to not to have to do this.”

“I think the government and Big Pharma infected my baby with the flu and then made sure our Tamiflu scrip wouldn’t be insured. Also aliens are probably real and at Area 51. Also, what’s under the Denver Airport?? And Oak Island????”

“Should I feel weird that Bridger was babysat by the TV for an entire Saturday while I did that one mopping that one time?”

“I should probably stop watching the Bachelor. I hate that I watch the Bachelor.”

“I wish smart phones were never invented.”

“I don’t know if the folks in my support system will ever know how grateful I am…”

“I came to this bathroom to be alone.”

“I CAME TO THIS BATHROOM TO BE ALONE.”

“I miss slumber parties.”

“What would a mom do right now….I should probably do that thing.”

“I love this tiny human so much that it hurts. I am terrified that something bad will happen to him. I am terrified that I am terrified that something bad will happen to him.”

“When will I get up the nerve to pull the paci plug?”

“I think maybe I went back to work before I was ready.”

“I wish I had worried less, in every season.”

“Maybe this ticky tack will keep the sole of my shoe on until I get home from work…nope…maybe hot glue?”

“My underwear has been backwards all day?? …Oh well. No need in shaking things up now.”

“It has been four days of this new eating regimen–I think maybe I’m skinny now.”

“It has been six days of this new regimen–I’m not sure if it’s working, should we order a pizza? And then I’ll do what she’s doing starting Monday…her before and after photos are so convincing.”

“Is that poop?”

“Is THAT poop?”

“Did you poop?”

“I should really pray more.”

“I do not miss our dog.”

“Is Bridger the creature of habit or am I? I mean, I am the one who makes him eggs every morning. Oh no. Are these the early signs of a mother who projects onto her children?”

“I want to die every time he works to get my attention away from my phone or works to get us to bring our tones back to kind.”

“I wonder if I’ll ever have a ‘career’.”

“He’s so empathetic, it’s incredible. How do we skip over elementary and middle school…and save him from the hatred…”

“I picked that fight just to fight.”

“Am I doing the stuff I’m supposed to be doing? Am I doing enough? I’m doing too much, aren’t I…”

“I would have loved the peace corps.”

“I have to cognitively decide to feel sexy. New pajamas would probably help. And also a shower.”

“When did I last wash my hair? Why is good dry shampoo so expensive?”

“Money is hard.”

“We have so little compared to them.”

“We have so much compared to them.”

“Thank God for concealer.”

“Doc McStuffins is a darn good show. And Curious George WOULD be if that little mess of a monkey didn’t get let off the hook all the ding dong time. Turn this crap off. That monkey needs a good talking to.”

“Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity DANGIT”

“Is where we live ok?”

“I don’t always believe myself when I say that I had Postpartum Depression. It’s like, as soon as I got hopeful again, I questioned my sad.”

*Insert all late night fears about death and rape and war.*

“Am I pregnant?”

“Will the world be ok when our kids get older?”

“Was Interstellar prophetic?”

“What THE HECK am I going to write about for Milk Drunk Blog next week?”

…And the list goes on. Come on, dear friend. Tell me what’s been rattling around in that ole noggin of yours. What are some details, nonsense, fears, or tidbits that you wouldn’t necessarily see or post online? Let’s let each other in to see the dusty, kooky parts. Perfection is gross. Off-kilter is interesting and beautiful. Let’s release some of the air in this mind-chatter pressure-cooker so that we can be more at peace with our “one wild and precious life.” The comment section is yours to use as you wish;)

Britney Lee
About me

Hi there! My name is Britney, and I’m a C+ student in the art of “trusting my momma instincts”—just so we all are aware of the spot from which I’ll be writing. I’m in holy matrimony with Luke, and we’re in sweet holy chaos with Bridger—who came into the world no smaller than a Volvo early June 2015. I get really into social justice issues, British TV series, and not working out. I’m an ENFP, 7w8 who believes that isolated lives can be dangerous when we’re all trying to make it through hard stuff and stay sane. I hope that Katie and I can create a place here where we can get close and get real and laugh a little. My solemn vow to you is that I will never clean my house before taking a MDB pic of it for instagram. Neither of us have energy for that. Welcome to Milk Drunk Blog!

1 Comments

Alice harper
Reply February 22, 2017

My thought stream I can't turn off is looking at all the other moms with multiple kids who act like they've got it all together. Because I have one kid. And I ain't got it together.

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